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Thursday, May 3
The Very Me @ Thursday, May 03, 2012

Hello all..hope you guys still visiting my page even I rarely post an entry here. Seriously, rarely. I think I don't have any excuses anymore to tell you guys why I'm neglecting this page of mine until now. I just wanna say that I will write if I feel wanna write/type. It's been two weeks after my last day at Royal Customs Sabah and I feel a little boring here at Kota Belud. Since I don't have anything to do, I just stay at home and sometimes be a driver for my dad. What a boring life I have.

Talking about friends, miss to hang out with my friends there at Selangor. Had seen their pictures (FB) and they're having fun without me (Shit...). I miss those crazy fun moment with all of them.

Talking about relationship, Still deeply, seriously, emotionally, physically, spiritually in love with her. Owhya, wanna tell you guys something. I did watch a movie called "Love & Other Drugs" last night and that movie just reminds me to think that a person must accept their fate and truly believe in each other (relationship) even there's so many complicated things come to you to fail you.  It inspire me and when I listen to Chris Medina's "What Are Words" after that, That feeling of hold on until the very end affect me very much. Gosh..Thanks to that very person whom I love so much for being in my life even I have so many flaws.

Future? Who knows. Let's keep that to God.
                                                                                                        Until then,
                                                                                                             joel

Friday, January 13
The Last Game @ Friday, January 13, 2012

Finally in a few days I will leave Selangor for good. My friends planed a special futsal game tonight for me. I thanked them for that. It's like my testimonial game after 3 years with my futsal team, the LG3 FC. The game was great and I did score hatrick. Maybe this is the last time I meet some of them. Since this is my second last week for me here, I only has 1 last paper to face. To think back, there's so many things I learned about life after 3 years and it made me more mature (I think). Many good and bad stuff happened, up and down also happened both in my study and personal life. Lost and found, being in love, happy and sad, laugh...I promise to all my friends here that I'll never ever forget them and we all promise to each other that we will find time to do a reunion someday in the future. It's sad that I will leave my study life and go on with the new phase of my life. To be honest, I still wanna study but to do that, I have to sacrifice many things and I don't wanna do that. OKAY. Will be facing reality after this and hope I will face it with more courage and will in me. Amen for that. Wanna sleep. ciaow~

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Monday, January 2
Since Last Year & For This Year @ Monday, January 02, 2012

Student Life
It's 2012 and I'm still alive here with all this final semester things going around. Have to take my final exam starting this week until the next two weeks and after that I have to do my practicum at Sabah for 3 months period. Means that I didn't go back there since last year (I feel terrible about it but now I'm okay)

Personal Life
Being a son and the only son that taking degree course in the family make me stress and down. For real, I'm tired of all this with all the siblings in the family especially my parents ask me to do that and this..must that and this..I'm a human and being a human I do have feelings. Sometimes, it made me so down and sad. Why me? Why not my brothers? Well, when I think back again, thinking more sane and wisely, in the end it's not for them but for myself. College is like a running track and life is a race and to achieve my own personal golden triumph, I must do and let out the best in me. Again, it's for me and not for someone else. I thank my family for letting me study and learn about life in my own will and not demanding something else that I don't like with my life. Personally, the most important matter in everything we do is God. Without God's love, we will never be who we are now and I thank God for His bless, love, patient and kindness to me. Ya... I feel blessed (Amen).

She Is The Only Exception & Honesty Is The Best Policy
I wanna say thanks to Jessica for being such a wonderful person from the beginning of our relationship. I appreciate all the things that she did and gave to me. Honestly, she is not a beauty pageant, not a princess and all but I still love her very much. I'm no prince charming and she still put me in her heart. I thank God for bring her into my life. I don't know what will happen to both of us in the future so both of us decided to live our life and giving our best for the present and I think that is more important rather than worrying for something that everyone don't know accept God. May God bless our relationship. *finger crossed

New Year, May God Have Mercy On Us
I think it's funny to see all people around me celebrating new year's eve with drinking, drunk and so on...let us relax and think again..how if God just extend the judgement day for the one last time and give all the people in this world a one last chance to do good deeds and be loyal to Him? Think, and that's all for now. Until then.

"Humble but still the best seed"

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Thursday, December 8
I Do Read @ Thursday, December 08, 2011

Marcellus to Horatio and Bernardo, after seeing the Ghost,

Some say that ever 'gainst that season comes
Wherein our Saviour's birth is celebrated,
This bird of dawning singeth all night long;
And then, they say, no spirit dare stir abroad,
The nights are wholesome, then no planets strike,
No fairy takes, nor witch hath power to charm,
So hallow'd and so gracious is the time.
Hamlet, Act I, Scene I [Some say that ever 'gainst that season comes]





To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.--Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.

Hamlet, Act III, Scene I [To be, or not to be]

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Can't Live Without You @ Thursday, December 08, 2011

as i watch u slowly disappear
i remember u with a tear
the first time i cry in many a year
hoping you were here
i wish i could talk but fate stole my voice
i wish i had a choice

as the music plays my heart slowly shatters 
in my room i watch my blood splatter
as i stand alone surrounded by my own sadness
i watch as u disappear from my life
i no longer have a life
as i live in a world without you 
i slowly fall to pieces 
and fade into a book that has long since been read......................

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Candle Light @ Thursday, December 08, 2011

My love,
is like a candle light..
Melting slowly,
day n night..

Sometimes dim,
sometimes bright..
Wind oppressing,
must win the fight..

She held the candle,
with great care..
I got a person,
my light to share..

But she blew it off,
just in a sight..
My love,
is like a candle light......

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Make Believe @ Thursday, December 08, 2011

Late at night when I can’t sleep,
I like to close my eyes and make believe.
I pretend to `be free.
Free of anxiety,
Free of fears.
Free of hurt,
Free of tears.
No more judgment,
No more blame.
No more aches,
No more pain.
Free of pressure,
Free of shame.
Gone with ridicule,
Gone with confusion.
Gone with doubt.
Rid of mistrust,
Rid of lust, instead of love.
When I can’t sleep at night,
I love to close my eyes and make believe.
I make believe I’m free,
And hope one day I will be.

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How Sad @ Thursday, December 08, 2011

Here i stand, a broken man 

nowhere to turn to, not even and empty hand,

no one could ever understand,

how ruthless,cold,or vile I've been,

I've fought my whole life,

I've dealt with the cold edge of a dull bladed knife,

but nothing could ever hurt me worst,

than your cold hearted words,

coming from the one i love so dearly,

why didn't you believe me now you see me,

i wanted us to last to grow old and watch the sunset,

but go on join in with the rest,

cheat lie steal threat,

I'm better off left for dead.

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